3 things to look out for in a coaching consult session to ensure you and your coach are the right fit for each other
Let’s face it, opening up to a complete stranger about your vulnerabilities, blind spots and dreams is hard. “Will I be judged?” or “will I fail at this?” are common underlying questions my first-time clients come with to a session.
Here’s what a great coach will ALWAYS create for you in every coaching session. Hopefully, by the end of your first consult, you will have experienced each of these. That’s when you know you’ve got the right coaching partnership.
A Safe Space
A very important part of the coaching process is designing an alliance with the coachee. Your coach should be asking you questions like:
- What’s offensive for you?
- Do I have your permission to call you out on your blind spots/ stories you are telling yourself?
- What’s considered a magnificent session for you?
- How do we deal with accountability?
Apart from clearing the air, these kinds of questions set the tone of respect and confidentiality between the coach and coachee. This is the bedrock of great coaching. For example, many coachees may be known to me outside of the coaching relationship. But referring to the relationship or content of our sessions is an absolute ‘no no’ outside of our sessions (*unless the coachee decides to share their experience).
Focused listening
Imagine a conversation that goes something like this….
Coach: What would you like support with today?
Coachee: You know, I’ve been having a really hard time adjusting to my new job. The team seems really antagonistic towards me and my immediate boss seems oblivious to everything going on. I just don’t know how I am going to get my idea for this project I am passionate about to get some resonance within the organization!
Coach: Oh yeah. That happened to me too. I was a 20-year-old intern at this company, and I had to prove myself by doing everyone’s dirty work for a month before they actually started accepting me. You have to prove yourself when you are new.
Coachee: Err….I don’t know….
Great coaches are trained never to pass judgment, tell the client what to do, or offer an immediate solution. If it were that easy, why would someone need a good coach? The talent of a coach is to practice a deeper than ordinary kind of listening with their client. What part of the client’s statement is sounding dead or alive, where are they truly stuck, what’s the underlying skill/ life muscle the client is not using or running away from using. You know you are being truly listened to when your coach is able to articulate what’s really the crux. It doesn’t mean that a solution, insight or plan won’t be arrived at. Coaching, however, is concerned with much more than being a “fix – it”. I call is “holding up the metaphoric mirror” to the client. Offering them the choice to do what they want with that piece of information or bottom lining it for them.
Forward Movement
If you are walking out of a coaching session feeling lighter, conflicted, angry, contemplative, teary, fulfilled, clearer, you know your coach has worked hard to get you to that space for a reason. Whatever the felt emotional state may be, it’s associated with forward movement i.e. you’ve received something to chew on which is the first step towards your goal/result. In my coaching experience, I’ve had many a client leave their session really feeling ‘messy’. Guess what! Coaching’s the only space where that’s a good place to be. Messy makes you want to move out of it. Messy makes you want to want to try harder. Messy makes you want to find a different perspective. Comfortable doesn’t. That’s a fact.
By no means am I suggesting every coaching session should leave you feeling uncertain. Some sessions will leave you exhilarated and motivated. It suffices to say that feeling nothing or just “the same” as you did walking into a session is NOT great coaching.
I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this little piece from the heart. I’m happy to answer any queries or clarifications on [email protected] or visit my Instagram page @coachedbyerica for other facets of my life as a life coach.
